20060528
Coming To The End of DaysI have just finished packing, and ready to leave my home-stay, thus; I only have just over one week left in Japan. I have been to Japan before, this is my fourth time. Now I am not trying to blow my own horn here what I mean is that this may be the first time that I have a really hard time leaving. My former expeditions in Japan have all been wonderful and rememberable. Trip after trip with completely unique experiences, perhaps the only two binding factors are that, 1. I was in Japan for them all, and 2. it was relatively easy for me to part ways with my Japanese life.
My erstwhile adventures were engaging and enlightening. I utterly enjoyed them up until then end and then returned with no scheme to return. In my heart I knew I would but had nothing in-particular in mind. I resided to take what I experienced and then move on with my life.
This present odyssey could not be any more divergent from the past. As I pack my belongings away into my backpack I am struck for the first time in all my journeys with a feeling that I have never experienced before. The Japanese word for it is "Ochikomu," a kind of sadness or small depression. There is know way to really know what causing this feeling but I can conjure an appropriate reason. Year 2006, trip number four, and the first time that I have genuinely gotten to know someone, to become involved. A casual meeting that grow into an infatuation has now blossomed into a significant endearment, if not more for this person. This is the one time where I have left my "fortress of solitude" and let someone inside.
I know what kind of world we live in now and how easy it is to stay in contact with people around the world. But I have this feeling that the discourse given over http and what not is not even rival that of real person to person contact. More over it is a wait of two years. At this point two years 'is' a long time. This is a deplorable situation. What would I do. Break it off, and save the pain? (If I do that what was the point in starting the relationship and what did the last 4 months mean) Not think about it and just enjoy the last week? (The what, we all know denial never works) Or do I take that gamble enjoy the last week and try to make it work across an ocean for two years. (I think that is asking allot of the gods of fate) As I see it, that is the only choice that there really is. I don't think i could make any other choice.
Now one may ask, am I just blowing this all way out or proportion. That may well be, this could be just part of my life education. I'm just taking part in my wonderful adolescence. I know this but it does not make it any easier to deal with, but writing it all down has been a bit of a cathartic exercise. I guess you will all have to take me out for a beer to console when I get back (^_^)
PS. I will be landing in the great white north at 12:30 on June 8th. Don't really want to leave but it will be nice to see you all again.
